There comes a point in many of our lives when we reach the end of ourselves—when the exhaustion, pain, and isolation become too overwhelming to bear—when your flesh finally fails itself. For me, it was a season of sickness that left me unable to do what I loved most: serve others on the mission field. I felt like I had lost everything, and there was no way to get back to the life I once knew. But in that lonely space, God began to shift my perspective and invite me into a deeper trust, one that changed everything.

The Moment of Surrender

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened or what triggered the shift, but I remember one distinct moment. I was sitting in my room, exhausted and overwhelmed. I opened my Bible, intending to read through the Psalms, but something inside nudged me to stop. I felt prompted to lay down my Bible and instead, start talking to God. I didn’t have the words at first, but as I opened my heart to Him, I began to feel a wave of emotions. Anger, confusion, pain—flooding my spirit. And yet, through it all, I felt His presence so tangibly, like He was wrapping His arms around me and saying, “I’m so glad you finally trust Me enough to tell Me this.”

That was the moment when everything changed. It wasn’t a dramatic shift in my circumstances. It wasn’t an immediate healing of my body. It was a spiritual breakthrough. I realized I had been carrying my emotions, my confusion, and my pain without ever opening up to God about it. In that vulnerable moment, when I allowed myself to cry out in pain, I opened the door for God to step into my suffering with me.

The Power of Being Seen by God

For so long, I had struggled to understand why God would allow me to become sick, especially when I had been so dedicated to His work on the mission field. Why would He call me to something, show me His power, and then take it all away?

I realized that much of my confusion was rooted in my own view of God. Growing up, when I was sick, I felt a sense of abandonment, like I wasn’t cared for. And I unknowingly transferred that feeling to my relationship with God during my illness. But when I sat with God in my pain, poured out my heart, and began to trust Him with my confusion and hurt, a shift occurred—not just in my emotions, but in my physical health as well.

I began to see that my sickness was not punishment. It was a season of pruning, a time when God was preparing me for a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him. While the outside world might have viewed my circumstances as a tragedy, I began to see the beauty in this process, knowing that God had a purpose through it all.

Healing Isn’t Always Instant

I’ve learned that God doesn’t always heal us instantly. It took me awhile to understand this deeply because I was so used to the instant healings—meet somebody on the road, pray, and Jesus heals them then and there—like a lot of the healings we see in the Bible as well. I really wrestled with God over this but in conclusion: sometimes, healing takes time. And there is something so powerful in allowing God to heal us slowly. It’s in the gradual process of restoration that we grow, learn, and develop a deeper trust in Him. Instant healing can be miraculous, but slow healing invites us into a process of intimacy with God that is transformative… if you allow it to be. 

I remember a recent visit to my doctor. After six months of treatment, he told me, “I didn’t expect you to be anywhere near where you are. I thought it would take at least six more months for you to be in this good of health.” I smiled and told him, “It’s evident that the Lord has been with me through this journey.” I was able to recognize that my progress wasn’t just about medical treatment—it was about the slow, steady healing that God had been doing in my body, mind, and spirit.

The Importance of Praying for Your Own Healing

For a long time, I hesitated to pray for my own healing. I had so many people praying for me—family, friends, even strangers. I was surrounded by an army of intercessors, and I was so grateful for their prayers. But there was something powerful that shifted within me when I began to pray for my own healing.

I had seen this on the mission field as well. We would pray for people’s healing, and often, I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to ask them to pray for themselves, rather than laying hands on them. When someone prays for their own healing, there is a shift in their faith—a realization that God can heal them directly, and that He is the source of all healing. I saw that same shift in myself when I began to pray for my own healing. It was as if I was finally allowing myself to trust God with my health in a way I hadn’t before.

Learning to Trust in God’s Timing

I’ve learned that there is a profound peace that comes when you trust in God’s timing, even when it feels slow. Healing doesn’t always happen on our timetable, but that doesn’t mean God is absent. In fact, He is often closest to us when we are walking through the hardest seasons. I didn’t always feel His presence in my sickness, but looking back, I can see how He was right there with me, teaching me to trust Him more deeply.

Sometimes the hardest part of faith is trusting God in the waiting. It’s easy to believe in His healing power when we see immediate results, but what about when the healing takes time? That’s when our faith is tested, and that’s when God works in ways we can’t always see.

Faith in the Waiting: God is Still Good

I know that many of you may not be walking through a physical illness like I was, but I’m sure there’s something in your life that you’re struggling with—something that feels like it’s taking too long to change or be healed. Maybe it’s a relationship, a job situation, or an area of your heart that feels broken. Whatever it is, I want to encourage you: don’t let the enemy lie to you. Don’t believe the lie that God has abandoned you or that you’re unworthy of His healing. God sees you. He knows your pain. And He is right there with you in the process, even when you can’t see the results yet.

The key to healing—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—is learning to trust God in every season, in every moment. We don’t always know what God is doing behind the scenes, but we can trust that He is faithful. And no matter how long the process takes, He is working something beautiful in us through the waiting.

A Call to Open Up to God

God already knows everything about you—your fears, your pain, your doubts, and your hopes. He isn’t a distant, unapproachable judge; He is your Father, and He is waiting for you to open your heart to Him. Just like I had to learn to be vulnerable with God in my sickness, I encourage you to do the same. Whatever you’re facing, whatever you’re struggling with, lay it at the feet of the cross. Talk to God like a friend, not a distant deity.

The beauty of intimacy with God is that it’s a relationship where you are seen, heard, and loved—no matter what you’re going through. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the mission field or in isolation. God is with you, and He will meet you wherever you are.

Choosing Intimacy and Trusting God’s Faithfulness

God promises us eternal life with Him, and that promise stands firm no matter what we face in this life. Through every season of suffering, there is an eternal hope that we can cling to. When we trust in His timing, His healing, and His plan for our lives, we can find peace and hope that transcends our circumstances.

So choose intimacy with God today. Choose faith. Choose to trust Him, even when it’s hard. And know that no matter what you’re facing, His love and His promises remain true.

– In all circumstances, Faith Over Fatigue